For many years, I have given counseling, healings, and seminars and one thing that strikes me again and again is the extreme amount of people using avoidance tactics when it comes to their own shadows. As soon as there is another one to blame, they will find them: the partner – the most common one to blame, or the boss – very often the culprit, or the colleagues who are so mean.
Although many people are quick to get out of these situations, they are surprised to find themselves often with these problems. They appear and present themselves again in another new story. Well, as long as we’re not able to look at our own shadows, we won’t be capable to resolve them.
Shadow work is something that requires a lot of courage. It takes courage to show oneself truly. It needs authenticity and reflection. If this shadow work is well guided, it is possible that these deep issues and blockages can be resolved.
A very drastic example that many may have heard about is the woman married to a man who is an alcoholic. She separates from him and starts a new relationship, but again, she is involved with a man who drinks. Only when this issue is resolved within oneself, will the external situation be resolved as well.
However, I’ve observed a very questionable development from a few life coaches and counselors. They simply recommend, “Hey, just follow your dreams, do as you like and don’t pay any attention to others”. This approach can really backfire. We’re not here just to fulfill ourselves and wishes, we must embrace the important values such as being faithful, having respect and living in common – these are true spiritual values in our relationship-fearing and egocentric world.
Of course, sometimes there are difficult situations in life. Yet these situations come into our life to give us an opportunity to look at things more closely and deal with what it aims to show us. Everyone can run away, but the work to understand oneself becomes very authentic for those who remain present and look deeply.
Many people are very afraid to look at their own shadows, so they put on many colorful masks.
Why? Because there is a fear of truly showing oneself, especially the dark sides.
Yet only through being and expressing our true selves, we are able to come into and embody our real beauty, power and most of all, our clear and authentic energy from the soul.
For me personally, I thirst for this authentic energy. At times, I notice how my blood pressure rises a bit and I can, at times, become frustrated by some coaches who tend to go easy with their clients and offer seemingly simple solutions, such as those for relationship problems: “Yeah, just break up.”
Of course, there are relationships in which it’s important to cut the cord. For example, when abuse occurs, when there is violence or simply, whenever the limits are truly exceeded and there are things that should not be happening at all. In these types of situations, of course it’s important to separate.
It is only that I also see the danger of – and I will say it again – a narcissistic society and also, a narcissistic, spiritual philosophy. I would even call it, “pseudo-spiritual” philosophy.
I emphasize this because for me, it has nothing to do with spirituality in the truest sense. Declaring oneself as the most important person and point in one’s life and then consequently not being able to fulfill certain obligations, such as taking care of children, and ultimately just running away from things.
I see here a trend from some coaches who choose the easy way and advise: “Yes, just follow your inner call for self-realization.” Yet when problems arise, they don’t point out to the client and tell them, “Hey look at these problems, there is really something wonderful you can learn here.”
A trigger (this is anything that somehow triggers you) is ALWAYS something we can learn from.
Of course it doesn’t mean that at some point, we won’t leave a relationship. For me personally, it is just that I see more and more a tendency for many to leave relationships too quickly and without reflection.
I truly feel that this is a type of spiritual ego trip that some are practicing.
It feels to me that there is a clear lack of values and willingness to really look deeply, especially where it is really dark. It is in this depth where we can most profoundly deal with our problems.
Most importantly is to understand that we are guided, to a very large extent, in our actions by our subconscious mind.
For example, if your subconscious is continuously making you aware of certain themes over and over again and it is affirmed with love and praise, then you should realize that these areas are being perceived through “filters”.
Yet the moment someone helps you in a loving manner and can show you the shadows clearly…wow, that’s when pure MAGIC happens.
Then those old filters break and fall away so you can connect with your TRUE BEING. There is so much joy and strength lying in this process for our development.
A coach who is truly attentive and committed to help resolve your issues, will also look deeply into those painful areas, so that all can be transformed.
Only through this does it become possible to gain a true understanding that gives miraculous and wonderful healings, affecting us at an extremely deep level.
Relationships Become Real
You will feel magic in your life that gives freedom, brings an infinite amount of love and mindfulness to your soul and which also creates tremendous compassion and an enormous potential of positive vibration and coherence.
I wish this for everyone. I hope that more and more coaches and therapists will dare to really seek out and confront these depths.
I wish you all the chance to have true encounters, true healing and true togetherness. Let the masks fall away – then we can really become our TRUTH.
Personally, I find it very important to look closely at the coaches and instructors you work with and honestly see how far they can really bring you in healing and personal development.
True healing is not always loving, sometimes it can be uncomfortable, yet this can be very transforming and healing.
I wish us all the courage to look and accept the “triggers” for what they really are, primarily as a tool to show us that healing is ready to happen there…. in the space that is deeply and truly connected to our heart.
You are welcome to book a personal session, consultation or healing with me, here you can find details and prices
I’m also very happy to accompany and provide counseling for you during a Dark Retreat in our ashram in Sasbachwalden.
Whether it’s in a Dark Retreat, in conversation or in one of my seminars, I will lovingly counsel and provide guidance for you in your shadow work.